...and we live like Kings!

"I'm blessed, I'm blessed, Oh God, you have blessed me far beyond what I deserve. You have put me in a place, this place and you have blessed me. I have so much to be thankful for." As the images pour in from Louisiana the tears fall and I shudder at the heartbreaking pictures of those who have lost all. A family huddles in their car, four beautiful little children. Big eyes, dirt smudged cheeks. They have run out of gas and they have a flat tire and they are hungry. A drug store opens up and all they are able to buy is cookies and lemonade and the children are laughing and thankful to have something to eat. And I feel immensely guilty over the sorrow I have felt over 'losing' my beautiful home and having to move into an 'old condo' when in fact it is a mansion. And each day I eat a feast. And my clothes are clean. And my thirst is easily quenched. And I am so blessed that my loving Heavenly Father has seen fit to care for me and my son in this way. "Oh Father, forgive when I have been selfish and thankless and spoiled. And should the day come that I lose everything, may I still feel blessed, so blessed, blessed far beyond what I deserve."

B.C.'s Desert Region - For those of you suprised that Canada has a desert, here are a few pictures all taken right here in Beautiful B.C. Enjoy!

Waiting For Rain

It's been pouring down rain for the past two days. I have always loved the rain. It is fresh and life-giving and cleansing. As a child, I lived in a desert, complete with cactus and tumble weed and rattlesnakes...right here in British Columbia, Canada. I remember vividly the smell of the sagebrush just after the rain. The scent of sage hung heavy in the air like a Thanksgiving turkey perfume. We would step outside, my Mom and I, and breathe deep the luscious aroma.

As I looked out at the rain this afternoon, the words to an old Gospel song flitted across my mind: "When my soul gets thirsty Lord, You make it rain for me." And as I sit here tonight, I am in desperate need of my Father to replenish my thirsty soul with His life-giving rain. I pray that it will wash over me, soak me to the bone, drench me. And as the drops run over my hair and down my face, may it cleanse away any impurities and nourish instead wisdom and hope and faith and love. "My soul is thirsty Lord, please make it rain for me."

The Painting Of My Life

This picture just blew my mind! There is such serenity and peace balanced with wild untamed beauty. As I travel this difficult road, it helps me to stop and experience moments like this when I am taken away from the 'smallness' of my present circumstances and reminded that there is a great big world filled with such loveliness. I am also reminded that even though my life feels chaotic and out of control, the same God who organized and created this scene is also in charge of all the scenes of my life. And it is just as lovely, in it's own special way. God sees the beauty and the future, I only see the sadness and the present. If my life could be a painting, this is how I would want it to look. Wild and adventurous, coloured in vibrant hues, majestic and peaceful, reflecting the Father Creator.

My Spirit Receives A New Coat Of Paint

Yesterday and today, the Condo my son and I are moving into received a new coat of paint. My parents, brother & his wife and a family friend all pitched in to help me make the place look beautiful. My sweet boy and I arrived early, before anyone else got there and as I stood in the middle of the living room, holding Kyle in my arms, we committed our new 'home' to the Lord. The tears streamed down my face as I asked Him to keep us safe and to fill this home with His love and presence. All the while, a voice nagged at the corner of my mind. "I can't do this. I can't do this. Oh God, I can't do this." I put my son down on the floor and the tears continued to roll. Suddenly, a voice spoke through the fear and said, "You don't have to do this. I'll do it for you and with you and through you. If you give it over to me, I'll take charge." And so I did and a flood of peace washed over me. And with every stroke of the brush, the drab ugly colours disappeared and bright, fresh new colours arrived. And so too, the ugliness of the past year seemed to be dissolving and I began to feel fresh and new and bright. As I looked around my newly painted condo, I finally felt hope again. Perhaps, even a twinge of excitement as I anticipate what the Lord is going to do in the coming days, months, years.

2 Corinthians 5:17 ~ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Whistling In The Dark

I have a confession to make...I'm terrified. I often think of what I write here as whistling in the dark. It's sometimes more of what I want to feel and believe and be, rather than what I really am. And what I really am is afraid. At times, like tonight I am paralyzed with fear. I went down to my condo, after my son went to sleep to do some painting. "I can do this," I kept thinking to myself on the drive down. "Oh God, help me do this." But I couldn't paint. The brush felt like it was made of lead. The paint was going on like molasses. Everything was closing in on me. So I came home. I was overcome with fear of the future and the sense of being all alone was suffocating me. I know I can sound like I'm so strong on paper, but in reality, I don't know how I'm doing it. It's all so overwhelming! And as I'm typing, this thought comes to me, "just one step, just one paint stroke, just one box, just one moment at a time." That's all that's required of me. God is saying to me, "I'm the God of the next step, the next stroke, the next box, the next moment. I've gone there ahead of you and as you arrive I will hold you up. And at the same time, I'm already at the next step, the next paint stroke, the next box, the next moment. And so on until you are there. Have faith daughter." And so, forgive me if I sound like I've got it all together, like I've mastered this faith thing. Because I haven't. But God has mastered it, written it, experienced it all. And that's the song I whistle!

Lady Wisdom and Madame Whore Invite Me For Dinner

After an extremely difficult day filled with discouragement and disappointment, I asked my Father to share with me insight from His word. I felt so lost and thoughts of abandoning all I have been working so hard to save coursed through my veins like ice water. Doubt filled my mind and the message of the world started to slip into my thoughts. One word kept running through my mind, Bail! Bail! Bail while you still have your dignity. Bail. It will be so much easier! The word taunted me, drew me into its way of thinking. It sounded good. The idea was enticing. Think how much better life would be. Then, I flipped open The Message - a bible that sits in another room that I don't refer to often, and this is the what it opened up to:

Proverbs 9
Lady Wisdom Gives a Dinner Party
Lady Wisdom has built and furnished her home;
it's supported by seven hewn timbers.
The banquet meal is ready to be served: lamb roasted,
wine poured out, table set with silver and flowers.
Having dismissed her serving maids,
Lady Wisdom goes to town, stands in a prominent place,
and invites everyone within sound of her voice:
"Are you confused about life, don't know what's going on?
Come with me, oh come, have dinner with me!
I've prepared a wonderful spread--fresh-baked bread,
roast lamb, carefully selected wines.
Leave your impoverished confusion and live!
Walk up the street to a life with meaning."

Madame Whore Calls Out, Too.
Then there's this other woman, Madame Whore--
brazen, empty-headed, frivolous.
She sits on the front porch
of her house on Main Street,
And as people walk by minding
their own business, calls out,
"Are you confused about life, don't know what's going on?
Steal off with me, I'll show you a good time!
No one will ever know--I'll give you the time of your life."
But they don't know about all the skeletons in her closet,
that all her guests end up in hell.

Here's what God was saying to me. "There are two paths to choose here Becky. One path is wisdom. It is well planned, well thought through. It is serving and gracious. It is loving and giving. It takes effort and work. It is rich and satisfiying. It nourishes the mind and soul. The other path is folly. It is the whore, beckoning you to think about yourself, have a good time, do what feels good in this moment. Don't serve others, serve you. It is by far the easiest of the two paths. It requires less of you. It makes you feel good in the moment. It is also satisfying, temporarily. You're at a crucial time here Becky. Do you choose Lady Wisdom or Madame Whore. Do you listen to me, or to the father of lies. He is the whore. He wants you to bail, Becky. He's saying bail, I'm saying believe."

And so, I'll believe, with God's help. I will have dinner with Lady Wisdom. And the weight has lifted from my chest and the fog drifts away from my mind. I can breath easier again. I will love another day Lord. I will love.

Pass Me My Crutch!

Today I am weary. Physically and emotionally exhausted. Do you ever wish you could sleep for a year? That's how I feel right now. And so, I ask my Father to give me the strength I need to face anything that arises today. Someone once told me that Christians use their faith as a crutch so they don't have to deal with things on there own. I say...Amen! If by crutch they mean something to lean on, something that will hold me up when I haven't got the power to stand on my own, something to keep me from crumbling into a heap on the ground, then you bet Christ is my crutch. And does this mean that I don't have to deal with things on my own? Then I say, "Amen" again! Isn't that what Christ offers us and wants us to receive? His help, His intervention, His plan? We don't have to do anything on our own power! Trust me, I've tried and it never works, at least not for long. It may work for a while but eventually I hit a brick wall. There was no way around it, through it or over it without Christ's help. And that is exactly where He wants us to be, wholly dependent on Him. So, pass me my crutch! And thank you Jesus for holding me up! "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped...." Psalm 28:7

My Everlasting Light

As I stood at my bedroom window last night staring at the evening sky, a black cloud drifted across the expanse and virtually extinguished the light of the moon. However, as black and ominous as the cloud was it could not fully shroud all traces of light as moon beams escaped from around the edges. This thought came to mind. No matter how dense and dark the cloud, it does not remove the light. It is still there, covered over with a veil of hurt and suffering, trials and pain, but there nonetheless. And that is where my hope lies. Christ, my source of light, cannot be snuffed out. He may be hidden to my eyes at times, but He remains constant behind the darkness. And He has commanded me to wait patiently with faith and trust that He will once again shine fully before me. My Lord is my Everlasting Light. There is no darkness in the world or below the world or above the world that can douse that light. My day will come when I will stand fully illuminated once again.

When God Says, "Love."

Tonight, I feel an urgency to write about love. Not the kind of love that the world sells, but the kind of love Christ reflected and God commanded. Not the kind of love that gives up when it no longer 'feels good'. Not the kind of love that promises forever but really means as long as it's easy. No, I mean the kind of love that requires something of us. Love that requires us to die to self. That's not a very popular ideology today. Why should I have to die to self? Surely, we [women] have come a long way from those days when we suffered in silence and obeyed without question. Why should I hang on when it no longer feels good? Surely it is more important to find happiness and live to please me. Why should I persevere when all around me, others are giving up and jumping ship? Surely, no one would judge me, I've already given it my best. No one would blame me for quitting now. These are thoughts and questions I face daily as I talk with God and walk amongst family and friends who would be relieved to see me move on. It would be so much easier for everyone.

Well, I'm here to tell you tonight, that I am a strong woman, I am a confident woman and I am an intelligent woman. And I will not give up on love. I will continue to persevere. I will endure and die to self and hold my tongue and serve and uplift and encourage. I will love. Not because it's easy, not because I have some super-human capacity to love. I will go on loving because this is what God has called me to do. This is my reflection to Joe of Christ's love for him. This is my gift to our marriage. This was my promise, my vow.

This past week I have been told: "You are being led around by your nose. You are being taken advantage of. You deserve better. No one will blame you for giving up. You need to look out for yourself now. You've done all you can. Dump him. Move on. He's not worth it. And on and on and on..."

And so, I ignored all those voices and I asked God and He just keeps saying this one word over and over to me. "Love." That's it, just love. I ask Him for wisdom and the right words and insight. And He says, "Love." I ask Him for a sign, for peace, for a miracle. And He says, "Love." I ask Him to intervene, to change, to heal and He says, "Love."

Is there someone in your life that has hurt you, disappointed you, let you down? Put aside your anger, your hurt and all of your rights and just ask Christ to fill you to overflowing with love. And let Him do the rest. Whatever the outcome for me, I will know that I have loved with all my heart and all my soul and God's will, will be done.

Movin' On Up!

I thought it may be time to give a bit of an update on my current state of affairs. As of today, I have a Condo for baby and I to move to. It's big and clean but not in the best neighborhood. The building is a bit run down, but the unit is owned by a very nice Christian couple who are both school teachers. We will begin moving bits and pieces in over the next week or two. Once again, it's a humbling experience to go from a beautiful house to a small, older condo. However, I will bloom where I'm planted with God's grace and love. The owners are letting me pick all new paints and will pay for the supplies if I do the labour. No problem. There are hardwood floors throughout and best of all, I'm allowed to keep my dog Max! That was an answer to prayer! And, it's on the ground floor so little buddy can go out to do his doggy stuff with ease. Also, the owner is installing in-suite laundry ( a stacking washer/dryer) right in the walk-in closet. How's that for convenient laundry...over the head and into the machine in one swoop! Some of my student loan money has arrived, just in time to pay some bills that were getting a bit too far past due. Also, I have found a lovely Christian mom who will provide daycare for Kyle 2 days a week while I'm in school. Another answer to prayer. Now all I need to do is find a laptop computer. I'm hoping to find a used one before school starts. I know that in the eyes of the world, I'm certainly going 'backwards' in life, losing my husband, my home, my income. But I see it as moving forward. I'm heading to school to finish my education. My faith is stronger than it has ever been, and Kyle and I will learn to wholly lean on Him to provide for our every need. And that is the only direction I want to go! Thank you all for your love and friendship. I covet your prayers and your words of encouragement! Much love, Becky

SPAM! Yuck!

In an effort to stop some of the SPAM comments that are being left here, I have decided to implement the Word Verification option on the bottom of my comment boxes. I hope you will still comment and won't mind typing in the funny, slanted little word on the bottom. How this works is, it stops those Spammers that send automated messages to thousands of Blogs. Now, they have to stop and type in the Verification Word. Since the automated system can't do that, it moves on to someone else. If any of you are also receiving spam like my friend popsicle Pete (you should see his spam!) then you may want to implement this as well. It's very easy to do. You just go to Settings, then Comments, then click yes on Show Word Verification On Comments.

Evening Star

Last night, as the day turned slowly into night, I found myself sitting alone staring up at the sky. In the center of a purple dusk, I saw the first star of the evening. "The Evening Star," I said out loud. Then these words drifted across my thoughts, "He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." Psalm 147:4. I asked God what the Evening Star was called. This is the reply that He whispered to me, "Rebecca Faith." I laughed out loud. "Wouldn't that be something," I thought. "A star with my name on it." And then it came to me again, "Rebecca Faith." And so I stopped smiling and with serious thought, I asked God why? And He said, "Because I love you. Because I'm proud of you. Because in your journey, you have pleased me. And so, for you, the Evening Star is called Rebecca Faith and when you look at it, remember that you are doing well, I am satisfied with you and I love you." And as the sky filled up with more and more stars and the Evening Star faded into the crowd, I left for home and new beyond the shadow of even the smallest doubt that my Father had spoken to me and was happy with me and loved me and I slept deeply and in peace.

Heartbeat

Last night was truly a triumph of the spirit for me. The production we saw was called 'Heartbeat'. "Featuring an impressive cast of over 55 dancers, martial artists, and musicians, the show takes the audience through the history of drums and drum dances through two millennia of Chinese history. Supported by over four hundred incredible hand made period costumes and a multitude of fantastic sets depicting the glorious dynasties of China, the show again promises to be a real feast for both eyes and ears." There were many moments throughout the performance that I just closed my eyes and let the beat of the drums take me away from all that hurts. During one particularily peaceful and somewhat 'transcendental' scene I let all the air out of my lungs and relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes and whispered my own version of chants..."I love you Lord. You are awesome God. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring for me. I love you Lord..." And the drums kept time with my heart and God's heart, and we were one heart.

A Child In God's Care

Oh how my spirit longs to be carefree and innocent. To play, to splash, to laugh. And then, I read today in Pia's blog http://myblog2002.blogspot.com/ these challenging words: "You must trust God completely and stop trying to figure out what you will do if God doesn't come through for you because that will never happen. There is nothing too hard or impossible for God." And I realized that I have expended a tremendous amount of energy trying to make plans in case God doesn't come through for me. But really, what God wants me to do is go play and splash and laugh because He's go the whole thing under control. He is telling me that I can have a carefree spirit once again. When I was a child, I never worried about having enough food to eat, or a bed to sleep in at night. I just knew that my daddy would take care of those things. I trusted, perhaps without really even realizing it, in his care for me. My heavenly Father is asking me to trust Him the same way. And isn't He even more able to provide all that I need? Psalm 37:25 tells us this ~ "I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."

And so, tonight I will go have fun. My friend Alison phoned me out of the blue with 2 tickets to see a live production in the city tonight with her. It's been ages since I've just gone and had fun! Thank you Lord that not only do you take care of the bread and the bed, but the fun and the friends as well!

A Lonely Embrace

Loneliness embraces me tonight. Not a gentle, loving embrace but a suffocating, heart thumping in my chest, tears spilling down my face kind of embrace. I'm here, sitting in front of this computer screen typing these words in an effort to disengage myself from it's grip. It is tenacious. It is heartless. It is not of my God. Loneliness is the one thing that can grab hold of my faith and shake it, hard. It's the toughest opponent of all for me. And with loneliness comes a host of other parasitic feelings; like pity and anger and fear. And so it builds until faith and hope are just distant flashes in the night sky. But I know, as a child of God, I must move towards those tiny lights for they are truth. They are telling me that I am not alone, the Creator of the Universe sits beside me. How dare I feel alone in His presence? His promises speak to my heart and I feel the grip relax just slightly. This is what I hear: The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8 The tears have stopped, the weight has lifted from my chest and I can breathe easier. So I say, "more Father, I need more." And I find these words, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2 And I am free. Oh, there will be more nights, more days, more moments like this one, but my Father will be there for them all. He understands. He has suffered loneliness as well, He has felt forsaken. I'm so glad He did. He must have known that we would need to know that He has walked this same path and felt the tight grip of loneliness.

Still Seeing The Light Through The Clouds

A well meaning person said to me this week in reference to giving up on my husband, "but you have a right to be happy!" I've been thinking a lot about that statement and am now convinced that it is untrue. I started to think about the family from South America on T.V. this week that had nothing to eat, nothing to feed their precious little children with, no place to keep dry in the rain. What is their right to happiness? I thought about the Christian family in my parents church that have lost not one, not two, but three of their children, all at different times through different circumstances. What is their right to happiness? I don't believe God ever promised us the 'right' to be happy. He didn't say that as My children I will keep you from sadness or rescue you when things get tough. Instead He promised to give us joy in the midst of our circumstances. In the middle of poverty we can be happy. In the center of a hurtful and lonely marriage we can be happy. In loss, in pain, in grief, we can be happy. But it is not our right. It is our choice. And only Christ can give us the power to smile in the storm. We need to stop thinking about what is 'rightfully ours'. That kind of thinking belongs to the rest of the world. Instead we need to be thinking, "In this moment I choose to rejoice in the Lord. In the middle of this suffering I cling to His promise that the Joy of the Lord is my strength." It's not my right. It's my blessing!

Habakkuk 3:17-19 ~ "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

For All The World To See...

As you can see by my profile, I thought it was time I removed the mask and regulator and showed you what I look like without a layer of neoprene and expensive scuba equipment. Part of my healing in this place has come from the words God writes upon my heart just moments before I type them on this blog, and part of the healing comes from the support and love I feel in this place. And so, I thought it was time to meet some of my friends face-to-face. I think that visually, it's important to connect with people. This is not to say that those of you out there who do not have a photo on your blog are 'hiding' it's just that as a part of this experience I felt it was time to 'come out'. I don't mean to make a big deal about this, it didn't take a lot of courage and I don't have huge self-esteem issues about the way I look. The truth is, many of you may not care one bit. I just thought it was time. So hi! Here I am, in all my glory (well at least part of me.) I'm actually nursing my son in this picture (that may fall under the category of 'too much information' and for that I'm sorry) but I've cut out the sensitive bits and here you have it!

P.S. Does anyone else think it's funny that the word 'blog' always come up as a spelling error on the blogspot spell checker?

She Can Laugh At The Days To Come

I have walked through the fire and although I am singed, because of God's grace I appear to be intact. I have just had 2 of the most heartbreaking days I have ever had. And yet, here I sit full of God's love and wrapped in His mercy. I can see more fires smoldering and burning in the distance and I should be afraid, I should feel powerless, I should feel hopeless...but I do not, because God is fearless, God is all powerful and God is the source of all hope . And because Christ lives in me, I have access to the Father and all He has is mine!

Psalm 18:32 "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

Colossians 1:11 "...being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance."

And finally, this verse which I think will be my theme as I face the fires to come:

Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

When Words Fail, There Is Always God's Word

Isaiah 49:16 ~ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

Never Failing...Great Is His Love!

Lamentations 3:22 ~ Because of the Lord's great love

we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

This verse fills me with peace today after a long and heartbreaking night. How wonderful to know that I will not be consumed, when all around me the flames roar higher and higher. As the waves break over, as the ground trembles beneath my feet, I will not be consumed. And you will not be consumed either! And why? Because the Lord loves us...greatly! And that love will never, ever fail!

Love, Love, Love

This is my prayer tonight. This and to love. Love when it feels like all hope is gone. Love even though it hurts. Love beyond words that wound like the sharpest arrows. Love when it makes no sense to carry on loving. Love when the world says its time to stop loving. Love...love...love. Love like Jesus loves. Luke 6:27 ~ "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you." Matthew 5:44 ~ "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." That's the kind of love I'm needing tonight. This is my prayer. I need a miracle.

The Day Pride Died

Today will be a day that I will never forget. Do you remember exactly where you were standing on that fateful September 11th day? Today was like that for me. I experienced something so life changing that I will never forget it. It is a brand, seared onto my heart that reads, "The Day Pride Died." You see, today I stood in line at social services to see about getting a subsidy so I can put my son in Daycare 2 days a week while I go to school. As I stood there I was over come with shame. Never, ever, in a million years would I have imagined myself standing here. I've never looked down on those who receive assistance as long as they are doing their best. I just never thought I would be one of them. Pride. I have fierce pride. I have always looked after myself, always worked hard, never been the kind of person to ask for help. Independent all the way!

As I stood there, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I fought hard to keep them from spilling over onto my cheeks. I took a deep breath and silently screamed out to God to help me. I wanted to just sit down on the floor and sob. I felt myself sway. In an instant, an image flooded my spirit. I saw an angel standing to my left, one to my right. They each held me, their arms crooked in mine. And the feeling that I couldn't do this, that I was going to crumble under the weight of humiliation lifted from me and my eyes dried and I let go the breath I was holding. I can't say I smiled, but the words, "The joy of the Lord is my strength" kept racing through my mind. Over and over again I said it, "The joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord..." For a conservative Mennonite Brethren girl, the idea of angels has always been somewhat difficult for me. However, today, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were with me.

2 Timothy 4:17 "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength."

As I drove away I called a friend on my cell phone. I let the tears finally fall. Here's what she said to me, "I'm so sorry that you have to travel this road. However, you'll be able to say to someone someday, 'I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line...' God is going to use this Becky!"

Proverbs 11:2 says, " When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." I pray that I will never feel that shame and disgrace again, but will instead see each situation as a possible opportunity for God to teach me a valuable lesson and perhaps have the opportunity to share my story someday to someone who needs to hear it. I can now say thankyou Lord, because I know that someday, I will get the opportunity to say, "I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line. Jesus has made all the difference in my life. Can I tell you my story?"

Becoming...

I held my son close in my arms tonight as he screamed in pain and frustration. He has another molar coming in and it hurts. So, I gave him a dose of Advil and rocked him as the tears streamed down my face in silent anguish to see my darling suffer. But I know that he must endure this suffering for a time until all of his teeth are in. I know that it is ultimately for his good, even though I wish it didn't hurt him so.

My Heavenly Father must feel the same anguish when I am suffering. Just like I know that my son must continue to endure this pain until all his teeth come in, my Father knows what I must endure to become the person He wants me to be. Like my son, I can't understand why I must go through this trial, but just like I know there are only 8 more teeth to go, my Father knows just how long this sorrow will last. He sees what's on the other side of this hurt. And I also know that He holds me in his arms and tears stream down His face in anguish to see His daughter suffer. And He tells me tonight, that it is only for a time and that something wonderful awaits me when this long night is over.

Isaiah 25:8 The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces.

The Big Picture

This mornings Streams In The Desert began with this sentence, "It had pleased God to remove my youngest child under circumstances of peculiar trial and pain." I had to stop and reread that statement. That can't be what the author meant to say. How could it possibly please God to take away someone's child? I finished reading the days devotional but it did not answer my question to my satisfaction. It talked about God's grace being sufficient. It talked about believing in God's promises as fact, not just words to merely 'hope' on. But that opening sentence still disturbed me. I thought about my own child. What if it pleases God to take him? What would I do? How would I react?

And then, it came to me. It does not please God to see us suffer. God's own word says that it is never His intent to harm us. It is always His plan to give us hope and a future. God sees the big picture. He can see backwards and forwards. Left and right. Around corners and down corridors and behind closed doors. He can see beneath us and above us and through us. He knows what we need, when we need it. And so, He is pleased with His plan for our lives. He understands our pain and our suffering but He sees past it to the fruits it will yield. He saw past the death of that child to the lives that would be forever changed because of the steadfast faithfulness of the grieving father. He even saw as far ahead as today and new that my life would be touched and that my spirit would be encouraged. He knew that I would be challenged to trust in Him implicitly to take care of my future, because of that man's testimony. And so, it pleased God for He saw the big picture. And I will never be the same.

Down The Corridor Of Slamming Doors

I feel as of late, that I have been walking down a long corridor with doors slamming to my left and to my right. The phone rings and a woman's voice tells me that she has a suite she would like to rent to me on a horse farm...my dog is welcome there! But it's too far away. Slam. The phone rings and a man says they have a suite to rent, your dog is welcome to stay too. It's too expensive. Slam. I receive an email from an organization I sent an application to that offers scholarships for University. We regret to inform you we had hundreds of applicants but your name was not chosen. Slam. And on and on it goes. Until my ears seem to be reverberating with the sound of slamming doors.

And so, this morning I had a vision. I was walking down a long corridor, the walls lovely with aged oak paneling, mirrors and beautiful pictures hung between countless open doors. As I approached each door, it would slam shut just as I stopped in front. It happened over and over again. I paused in the hallway, confused and flustered wondering which door I should take. A voice said to me, "Keep walking. There is a door waiting open just for you. You'll know it when you see it but if you stop here in the middle of this hallway you'll never reach it. You must keep walking." And so I walked, on and on and on. After many weary hours, there before me, not to my left or to my right but straight in front of me was a door standing wide. Through the opening I could see sunshine, green pastures, cool waters. I knew in an instant that this was my door. Exactly where I was meant to be and I never would have found it had I stopped walking. "Lord, give me the strength and the courage to keep walking down this hallway. I want to enter through the door that you have chosen for me and none other."

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Trusting The Man That Died For Me

"My child, you can trust the Man that died for you.

If you can't trust Him who can you trust?"

These words fell from the pages of my Streams In The Desert devotional book and landed in my lap with a thud. The simplicity of this statement stunned me. Of course, it's so obvious! Why would the man who died for me, not take absolute care of me? I mean, it wouldn't make any sense for Him to go through all the anguish and humiliation and suffering that He did for my sake, just to let me flounder about on my own power and stumble and fall and just lay there drowning in sadness and discouragement. Surely, He wants to see me thrive and bloom and grow so that others will see and notice and say, "Hey, there goes that girl that Jesus died for. Wow, what a difference He's made in her life." And so, I will trust this Man that died for me with every little detail of my life. It just makes sense.