The Day Pride Died
Today will be a day that I will never forget. Do you remember exactly where you were standing on that fateful September 11th day? Today was like that for me. I experienced something so life changing that I will never forget it. It is a brand, seared onto my heart that reads, "The Day Pride Died." You see, today I stood in line at social services to see about getting a subsidy so I can put my son in Daycare 2 days a week while I go to school. As I stood there I was over come with shame. Never, ever, in a million years would I have imagined myself standing here. I've never looked down on those who receive assistance as long as they are doing their best. I just never thought I would be one of them. Pride. I have fierce pride. I have always looked after myself, always worked hard, never been the kind of person to ask for help. Independent all the way!
As I stood there, the tears began to well up in my eyes. I fought hard to keep them from spilling over onto my cheeks. I took a deep breath and silently screamed out to God to help me. I wanted to just sit down on the floor and sob. I felt myself sway. In an instant, an image flooded my spirit. I saw an angel standing to my left, one to my right. They each held me, their arms crooked in mine. And the feeling that I couldn't do this, that I was going to crumble under the weight of humiliation lifted from me and my eyes dried and I let go the breath I was holding. I can't say I smiled, but the words, "The joy of the Lord is my strength" kept racing through my mind. Over and over again I said it, "The joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord..." For a conservative Mennonite Brethren girl, the idea of angels has always been somewhat difficult for me. However, today, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were with me.
2 Timothy 4:17 "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength."
As I drove away I called a friend on my cell phone. I let the tears finally fall. Here's what she said to me, "I'm so sorry that you have to travel this road. However, you'll be able to say to someone someday, 'I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line...' God is going to use this Becky!"
Proverbs 11:2 says, " When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." I pray that I will never feel that shame and disgrace again, but will instead see each situation as a possible opportunity for God to teach me a valuable lesson and perhaps have the opportunity to share my story someday to someone who needs to hear it. I can now say thankyou Lord, because I know that someday, I will get the opportunity to say, "I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line. Jesus has made all the difference in my life. Can I tell you my story?"
As I drove away I called a friend on my cell phone. I let the tears finally fall. Here's what she said to me, "I'm so sorry that you have to travel this road. However, you'll be able to say to someone someday, 'I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line...' God is going to use this Becky!"
Proverbs 11:2 says, " When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." I pray that I will never feel that shame and disgrace again, but will instead see each situation as a possible opportunity for God to teach me a valuable lesson and perhaps have the opportunity to share my story someday to someone who needs to hear it. I can now say thankyou Lord, because I know that someday, I will get the opportunity to say, "I know exactly what it feels like to stand in that line. Jesus has made all the difference in my life. Can I tell you my story?"
posted by The Faith Expedition at 10:15 p.m.
6 Comments:
Becky: God is taking you down a road that will reap a great harvest, somehow, someday, someway. I've been down many of those detours and He never left me to find my way back alone. I'm standing with you through this trial. Be encouraged today. STAND BACK AND WATCH GOD DO HIS THING!
In His embrace,
David
Becky, my husband and I know exactly how you feel. There was a time when our son was about 2 when we had to go on welfare. I can remember receiving a call from our Pastor's wife one evening to see if we could provide part of a meal for someone in need and Jim and I had been counting our pennies (which we saved in a big container) to see if we had enough to go buy some milk.
It was difficult using food stamps and getting help with our utilities. However, God is faithful! We came through that time with a whole new perspective. Hang in there! {{{hugs}}}
"Approved workmen are not ashamed." That's somewhere in 1 or 2nd Timothy. God has the weirdest, funniest, hardest, longest, shortest paths for each and everyone of us. Have faith little sparrow. Blessings - LJ
Becky, reading your experience was really touching.
God opposes the proud, but HE GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. :)
You!
Truth is, we ALL need help. What we *think* we're doing on our own, is all God anyway. He directs our paths. This situation you're in now - temporary. But He is STILL directing your path.
Beautifully written account of your day. You have such a sweet heart.
When I was growing up my parents separated, and living in a small rural town didn't give my Mom many options for support. She went on welfare and we became one of two families in a small Mennonite town who were in need of assistance. The stigma for us, especially when were looked down on even in our own church was very difficult for me to deal with and since then, I have had several occasions to be in need and have been on the recieving end of help.
I make a point now of going out of my way to be generous for those in need since I can empathize with
the needy.
I also think God might be trying to put His finger on some of your cultural strongholds.
Becky,
I have been there, too and know what that feels like. Even harder was being TURNED DOWN for welfare because I made too much money, but yet not enough to feed myself and my child. Oh, how God was with me. I am alive today because of His mighty hand. I know you will get through it, but I pray you won't just "get through", but that you will emerge even stronger and able to use the experience to strengthen others. God bless.
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