Be Still... 

Yesterday's Streams In The Desert spoke so truly to my Spirit that I wanted to share it, in it's entirety to you today. One of my struggles throughout this time has been the 'intruders' in my life that speak negative words and encourage me to 'move on' and 'give up' hope. They mean well, they are speaking out in defense of me. However, they are also speaking in contradiction to what I believe 'The Voice Of Truth' is speaking to me. He is telling me to 'hold on' and 'don't lose hope' and 'wait' for what I am going to do. And so, I struggle every day to listen to that Voice Of Truth and tune out the other voices of defeat that speak all around me. Some of those voices come from loved and trusted people and so it is difficult to just dismiss them. But dismiss them I must if I am going to be able to be still and hear what my Father has to say. So, here is yesterdays devotional:

When we are in doubt or difficulty, when many voices urge this course or the other, when prudence utters one advice and faith another, then let us be still, hushing each intruder, calming ourselves in the sacred hush of God's presence; let us study His Word in the attitude of devout attention; let us lift up our nature into the pure light of His face, eager only to know what God the Lord shall determine--and ere long a very distinct impression will be made, the unmistakable forth-telling of His secret counsel.

Are you in difficulty about your way? Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of His smile or the cloud of His refusal. If you will only get alone, where the lights and shadows of earth cannot interfere, where human opinions fail to reach and if you will dare to wait there silent and expectant, though all around you insist on immediate decision or action--the will of God will be made clear; and you will have a new conception of God, a deeper insight into His nature and heart of love, which shall be for yourself alone a rapturous experience, to abide your precious perquisite forever, the rich guerdon of those long waiting hours. --David

"STAND STILL," my soul, for so thy Lord commands:

E'en when thy way seems blocked, leave it in His wise hands;

His arm is mighty to divide the wave.

"Stand still," my soul, "stand still" and thou shalt see

How God can work the "impossible" for thee,

For with a great deliverance He doth save.

Be not impatient, but in stillness stand,

Even when compassed \'round on every hand,

In ways thy spirit does not comprehend.

God cannot clear thy way till thou art still,

That He may work in thee His blessed will,

And all thy heart and will to Him do bend.

"BE STILL," my soul, for just as thou art still,

Can God reveal Himself to thee; until

Through thee His love and light and life can freely flow;

In stillness God can work through thee and reach

The souls around thee. He then through thee can teach

His lessons, and His power in weakness show.

"BE STILL"--a deeper step in faith and rest.

"Be still and know" thy Father knoweth best

The way to lead His child to that fair land,

A "summer" land, where quiet waters flow;

Where longing souls are satisfied, and "know

Their God," and praise for all that He has planned.

A Shelter From The Storm 

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

~ Newsboys

No Longer Hanging Out Here

Coming down off the ledge!

Today, I am so cranky you should be glad you're reading this blog from a distance. : ) After another sleepless night and a day filled with Realtors dragging strangers through my house, I felt like I was 'on the edge'. And then, this image appeared in my mind, a famous painting I remember seeing as a little girl. It didn't mean much to me then, "oh, the poor little lamb must have been so afraid." Now, it means something quite different. I didn't know back then that one day, I would feel like that little lamb, alone on the edge of a great precipice, waiting for my Shepherd to grab hold and pluck me from the waiting arms of sorrow and self-pity and unbearable sadness. And as I type these words I realize why my Father brought this picture to mind. He wanted to remind me that I am not on that ledge; that the day Jesus died, He scooped me up and held me in His arms and I have never been out of his sight again. I 'was' lost, but I am found. I can choose to never wander from His loving gaze and watchful care again. I don't have to return to that ledge over and over again, as the evil one would have me do. He would like for me to feel that I am always lost and out of sight of The Shepherd. What a lie. And so, I will instead graze along the 'still waters' and 'lie down in green pastures' and find restoration for my weary soul. And I will not go back out on that ledge. And I am not cranky anymore!

Addison reminded me that it's been a while since I posted a picture of my little sweetheart so...here he is! At 14 months, he's a real 'going concern'. He was walking before he turned 1 and so now, a couple of months later he's already running! I now know why most people have babies in their 20's! At 41, he's hard to keep up with. He never stops moving. When I was pregnant with him, my doctor had me count how many times he kicked the walls of his 'womb' in a 2 hour period...the doctor was astonished when I told him, 92! I should have know then that I would spend my days chasing after him. Thank you again for your love and prayers! Now you can 'see' part of what you're praying for! 

A shelter In The Storm 

Under The Umbrella

Well, that's one fearful hurdle that I am now standing on the other side of...the house is for sale. It was a difficult day, filled with sadness and loss. And the night was harder yet, questions unanswered, grief and sorrow washed my pillow and my darling son awake for four hours in the middle of the night. Emotional and physical exhaustion culminated into moments of anger at God for not at least giving me a good nights sleep in light of everything I had endured. And the rain continues to beat down on me. And so I must make a choice...do I let it bend me over, buckle me under, drown my spirit; or do I choose to see it the way God would have me see it?

"It isn't raining afflictions for you. It is raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Spirit, which are bringing into your life such a spiritual enrichment as all the fullness of worldly prosperity and ease was never able to beget in your innermost soul."

--J.M. McC. (Streams In The Desert)

I'm certainly going to give it my best, and what I cannot give, I will ask the Holy Spirit to give on my behalf. I will ask Him to fill me with holy strength and courage. And I will open the umbrella of Faith and stand under it. And though the rains may fall harder still and the winds may yet blow more fierce and the thunder might crash and boom still louder and the lightening may strike closer and closer, I will gather the folds of my coat and pull them close in around me and stand firm in the storm as long as Christ holds my hand.

A Strong Tower 

Courage Comes...

Your prayers have reached me, from across the mighty Pacific Ocean and Australia, across the vast expanse of Canada's prairies in Manitoba and Ontario, from sunny California, from Ohio, from Utah and from right next door on beautiful Vancouver Island. You have all touched me with your thoughts and prayers as sure as if you were standing before me. I felt your arms of comfort, I heard your words of encouragement, I experienced your love and care. And today, I felt the strength and courage begin to seep slowly back into my spirit. My bending head lifted, my back straightened from its despondent bend, my eyes dried, my thoughts cleared and I felt, no, I knew that I was going to make it. It still hurts. I'm still tired; but the fear is diminishing. The dread has passed and in its place I feel resolve and confidence. Courage is still a bit elusive but if you continue to remember me I know it will come.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Isn't that a powerful verse..."Have I not commanded you?" Who am I to ignore a direct command from God Almighty! And then His promise..."The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I have claimed this verse as the torch I will carry before me in the coming days and so I don't forget it, I will write it on my bathroom mirror with my neon green 'glass marker'. How awesome is our God. How very relevant and present and accessible He is.

His grace is great enough to meet the great things--

The crashing waves that overwhelm the soul,

The roaring winds that leave us stunned and breathless,

The sudden storms beyond our life's control.

~Annie Johnson Flint

The Lord Is My Shepherd, I Shall Not Want! 

Help!

My house goes up for sale this coming week and I'm terrified! I know I need to trust God to take care of us...but bottom line is I'm a mom with a baby and I don't know where I'm going to go and I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing today. Just the thought of packing is scary and finding a place to store stuff and a new place to move into with a baby and a dog, and...and...and....it's just all so much to bear! I've been tearful all day. Just so unsure of everything. I don't know what God is teaching me, but it's been a hard lesson and I'm getting so weary. Please remember me in your prayers this week as I face what I must face. I need courage and strength and wisdom and faith. Thank you all for your love and support.

Encamped About Me 

Becky's Ladder

I awoke this morning with thoughts of Angels. I'm not sure why or what exactly I was thinking, but their 'presence' has encircled me throughout this day. My mind has turned to them so often in the past few hours that I feel compelled to write about it. I don't know exactly what I believe about Angels. I've read all the bible verses I could find referring to them but still have only a hazy and formless idea of who they are and what they do. And yet, my sense about them is that they stand around me as I sit and 'pen' these words. Psalm 91:11 says, "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." Hebrews 1:14 says, "Are not all Angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?" Since I am one of those heirs of grace, then they have been sent to minister to me. When I first began this difficult journey, I had a daydream that has fixed itself to me securely. I was lying propped up on my bed, waiting for my son to fall asleep. My eyes were closed and thoughts of my day were running through my mind. Quite suddenly, the faces of five men, beautiful but fierce looking, flashed like a slide show, one at a time before me. And then they were gone. My eyes flew open and I somehow felt quite sure that they were my Angels, sent to minister to me and help me through this sorrow and time of testing. Now to some of you, that may seem a bit far fetched, but I have thought about those five men and have somehow been comforted by the idea of their presence.

In Genesis 28, Jacob, upon reaching Bethel, lays his head down on a stone to rest . "He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it." And so, the vagueness about Angels clears a little. I believe that according to scripture they are a very real, tangible presence here, and likely more so when we are in the midst of a storm of sadness, loss and discouragement. It gives me peace to know that they are descending those stairs on my behalf and that the Lord sits at the top and is watching over all that transpires. And He says to me, like He said to Jacob, "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, --I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." (Gen. 28:15) And like Jacob, my response to this promise is, "If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear, --then the LORD will be my God ." (Gen. 28:20-21)

"Chilliwack Landing Leisure Centre" 

Swimming Lesson

Today is a gift from God. Often, I am so bogged down with the burdens of my circumstances that I forget to stop and appreciate everything that I do have. It's so easy to wallow in self-pity and drown in depression and beautiful, gifted, fortunate moments can slip by almost without notice. Yesterday, I spent the morning with my son and my girlfriend at a local pool. It was baby's first time and he had a blast. As I look back on that experience I marvel at the fact that we could go to a pool complete with a water slide, fountains, baby pools, simulated beach, a giant tug boat to play on and even a little 'river' where you can lay back and just ride the currents. And then I think about the children of this world who don't even have enough clean water to fill a cup for a cool drink, and there goes my little sweetheart, around the little river for another ride. Gallons and gallons and gallons of water, just to play in! Oh, we are so incredibly blessed. Oh, we are so often forgetful of what we have. Oh, I am so often ungrateful. Please forgive me Lord! So today, I have made a decision to not worry, fret, complain or take for granted the blessings in my life. Instead, I'm going to praise my Father for His goodness to me. I'm going to ask Him to make me truly mindful of all I have. I'm going to enjoy my moments with my son without tears and sadness. A day without self-pity. A day without bitterness and anger. A day ruled by a grateful heart and a blessed spirit.

The following Music Survey was passed on to me by my friend Teresa over at www.lighthousenetwork.blogspot.com So, here goes....

Total volume of music files on my computer?

Hundreds. But mostly they belong to my husband. I have downloaded some music and burned a couple of 'Sunday Drive CD's' but for the most part, that's hubby's domain. (Sorry Teresa & Jennifer, I didn't mean to show off!)

The last CD I bought was...

Bible Action Songs and Old MacDonald And Friends. (You're probably thinking, "Gee, I hope she's got a kid!") Ha ha!

Song playing right now:
Nothing...baby is sleeping which is the only reason I have a chance to do this! :)

Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

I Come To The Garden Alone; No Matter What - Boyzone; Moondance; Love Will Keep Us Alive - The Eagles; My Lord Knows The Way Through The Wilderness

Ezekiel 31:7
It was majestic in beauty, with its spreading boughs, for its roots went down to abundant waters. 

My Saturday Storm

On Saturday, I felt utterly and totally alone in this world. It was an excruciating day. I have never felt such complete isolation and the feelings of being 'trapped' in my circumstances shrouded my perceptions and filled me with self-pity and anger. I knew of course that these feelings where not of God and I cried out to Him to help me and fill me with His love and presence. I didn't feel it. Somehow, I made it through to Sunday and things started to look brighter. And as I looked back over Saturday's dark hours I came to the realization that I will now always have a tender heart for the lost and lonely of this world. And then I started to wonder if perhaps God could use this new, first-hand knowledge of loneliness to touch the lives of others. And instead of asking Him to remove this burden, I will now ask Him to use it for His glory. The second thing I learned from my Saturday Storm, is that feeling God's presence is not as important as believing it. I need to claim the truth of the promise that God will never leave us and is nearest in times of intense sadness regardless of how I feel. This is the essence of true faith. And then I learned that I don't need others to feed me my joy and security, but that the "Joy of the Lord is my strength." And so, that is why I choose the picture above to accompany this blog. Even standing alone in the midst of a vast and at times unfriendly sea, I can still thrive and grow and be strong and sturdy and find joy because my roots are anchored in Jesus and He will hold me fast.

"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
~ Jerimiah 17:8

I Know He Watches Me 

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

Be like a bird that, halting in its flight,

Rests on a limb too slight.

And feeling it give way beneath him sings,

Knowing he has wings.

Oh, such sweet peace just to know that should this branch snap beneath the weight of this sorrow, He has given me wings to soar. The Father watches over each of His little sparrows and tenderly gathers us in the shadow of His wings.

Why should I feel discouraged,

Why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely,

And long for Heaven and home?

When Jesus is my portion?

My constant friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy.

I sing because I'm free.

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled,

His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness,

I lose my doubt and fear;

Though by the path He leadeth,

But one step I may see;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Feeling The Winds Of Change 

F.A.I.N. to S.A.K.E.

I have recently been told that I have taken a very passive role in my own life; and that perhaps it is time that I started to take charge of my circumstances rather than my circumstances taking charge of me. It is a completely accurate assessment of my character, I must confess. I have always been terrible at confrontation and when faced with any difficult situation I have had a tendency to adopt one of the following responses: Forget, Avoid, Ignore or Neglect. I have decided to call this the F.A.I.N. Response. As in, "I would fain (rather) pretend that this predicament does not exist." The problem with this is, however, that not everything can safely fall under one of these headings. Some things, if you avoid them long enough will work themselves out or simply disappear. Other things however, as in marriage problems, health issues or financial woes, to name just a few, do not go away when ignored. As a matter of fact, they often grew bigger, get worse, intensify. This is where I have failed myself. And so, along with everything else, I am going to try and put the F.A.I.N. response where it belongs, say in the trash, and adopt a new attitude. I want to Seek out a solution. Act quickly, rather than put it off. Keep at it until it is resolved or improving and then Enjoy the benefits of taking an active role in my own life. I think I'll call it the S.A.K.E response. As in, "For my own sake and the sake of my marriage, my health and my finances, I need to make a change in the way I do things!" And so, as I crawl under my quilt tonight I will thank my Lord for bringing people into my life who speak the truth to me in love and challenge me to be the person I know He longs for and created me to be.

Perfect Rest