Whistling In The Dark
I have a confession to make...I'm terrified. I often think of what I write here as whistling in the dark. It's sometimes more of what I want to feel and believe and be, rather than what I really am. And what I really am is afraid. At times, like tonight I am paralyzed with fear. I went down to my condo, after my son went to sleep to do some painting. "I can do this," I kept thinking to myself on the drive down. "Oh God, help me do this." But I couldn't paint. The brush felt like it was made of lead. The paint was going on like molasses. Everything was closing in on me. So I came home. I was overcome with fear of the future and the sense of being all alone was suffocating me. I know I can sound like I'm so strong on paper, but in reality, I don't know how I'm doing it. It's all so overwhelming! And as I'm typing, this thought comes to me, "just one step, just one paint stroke, just one box, just one moment at a time." That's all that's required of me. God is saying to me, "I'm the God of the next step, the next stroke, the next box, the next moment. I've gone there ahead of you and as you arrive I will hold you up. And at the same time, I'm already at the next step, the next paint stroke, the next box, the next moment. And so on until you are there. Have faith daughter." And so, forgive me if I sound like I've got it all together, like I've mastered this faith thing. Because I haven't. But God has mastered it, written it, experienced it all. And that's the song I whistle!
posted by The Faith Expedition at 10:47 p.m.
8 Comments:
You do a beautiful job, even if one step at a time. In the end, that's the best way, anyway!
Keep whistling!
One step at a time, foot in front of foot, picking His way along the ground is the way Jesus went to His cross. It is the same way we bear ours. I'm so glad the story of the garden was not all spruced up, but is a picture of humanity, even perfect humanity, suffering and wrestling with that struggle. Bless you Becky as you share your burden with us, that we might help you carry on, if only in praying for you and you for us.
Dennis
i hear you sister ... i whistle in the dark too ... but the more you whistle, the more familiar the tune will become, soon you'll be humming, then singing ... you certainly DO encourage me with your words ...
may the Lord continue to give songs in the night ... even if you can only whistle them for now...
I don't know what I'm doing either! And I'm a doctor! Actually, God has really blessed me and people think I am a good doctor, and I have people all assuming that I know what I'm doing. Not that I even act like I do. I mean, I'm not trying to put on some "act." Just somewhere along the line they just think that I know what I'm doing and they assume that I'm the one doing it. - I mean, I take my responsibility seriously, and so, when I see that they are actually depending on my words, I try to give my best answer. And I concentrate all day, to try to give the best answer and do the right thing and not make a mistake, but I know that I know that I know, that I would not be a doctor except that God enabled me to be a doctor and He sustains me. And so sometimes I get a fear. Or a lot of fear. And it is okay not to know anything. Not to have self confidence or self esteem. Because when you are weak, He is strong. The power of the resurrection is death to self effort and a releasing to the life of Christ in you. Christ in you, the hope of glory. He loves weak people. Ahhh, my crutch! And don't forget the wonderful fellowship of being that intimate with Him that He gets to sustain the weight of you. Eternal prize awaits. And that eternal prize is Him. He is faithful to accomplish all He wants to do through you.
But now thus saith Jehovah that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed thee; I have called thee by thy name, thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
God is with you, you will never be alone. Fear always tries to rear it's ugly head in my life, but I always remember God is in control and He somehow helps me get through it. My prayers are with you Becky as you seek to have peace from your fears in this new adventure!!
Becky: "Perfect love casts out fear" and yet I'm terrified most days. It's financial disaster that I live on the edge of continually. A dear friend recently asked, "Have you missed a meal yet?" Of course I had to answer "NO!". God provides during the terror we experience. He will meet your every need. I live where you are living. Only the circumstances are different! Our God is the same though! He never changes and He's never made a mistake yet. Hallelujah!
Standing with you,
David
becky, sometimes i feel the same way. the fear becomes overwhelming. and my mind keeps on hopping from one thought to another. it wouldn't stay put. but as i've learned, it's all in the mind. the battle is on our minds. i just tell God to please help me. and i recite the verses God showed me in the past. somehow, my mind gets at ease.
becky, i've been praying for you ever since i've known you from this blogging world. i feel a burden to pray for whatever you are going through now. honestly, i don't really have a clear picture of what's going on at your end. but take heart, sis, God is always with you.
and i'm hear praying. God bless!
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