E.A.M.

There is a beautiful flat rock about the size of a flattened wad of bubble gum in my pocket bearing the letters E.A.M. I put those letters there. The letters are to remind me that God is still working, still on the job and that I can 'Expect A Miracle' any day, any moment now. To be honest, there are days I'd like to skip that rock across the mighty Fraser River and watch it sink beneath the surface like my hopes and dreams have done so many times. And then God calls my name, the way my Mother does when she wants my full attention, and He reminds me that although He has promised that 'all things will work together for my good', the timing is completely in His hands. And so, I rub my rock with my thumb and forefinger and I recommit to waiting for my miracle, believing it will be just at the right time, just in the right place and just exactly what I need, just for me.

It's Jesus

Thank you all for your kind words and warm welcome back. I felt encouraged that to some of you, I sound 'stronger'. I think the truth is that I have grown weaker and have given more and more over to God's control. The strength you 'hear' is the strength He gives me. I have been brought down so low that only God's hand has held me up and that alone has finally pierced my independent heart and forced me to grab on for dear life. And in doing so, He has raised me up and filled me with His hope, His might, His power. People have commented, "I don't know how you're doing it?" I say, "it's Jesus." They say, "I would have given up long ago!" I say, "I did, and now it's Jesus." They confess, "I couldn't do it." I say, "me neither, it's Jesus." And bit by bit, one person, one heart at a time, I have been able to give God the glory for what He is doing in my life. And that is truly what it's all about.

Giving It All To The Lord 

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow!

It's so wonderful to be here tonight. Oh, how I have missed you all and how deeply I have missed writing. It is amazing how healing it is to share feelings, thoughts, hurts and hurrahs. To commit to 'paper' a desire to be faithful and to not lose hope. It helped me stay the course on many dark nights. And now I am back and there is much and so little to share. Since that post telling you my house had sold...that deal also fell through! And so, we received another offer, our 4th, that same day and finally there is a sold sign out front! I stared at the sign with mixed feelings; sad at all I had lost and glad to have finally made the decision to sell and proud that I had found the courage and strength to take steps. But oh, how the tears rolled down! I thought they would never stop. There are good days and bad days in respect to my marriage. There are days when I feel sure that a miracle is just moments away and then there are days when it feels like this conflict will have no end. There have been many voices, friends and family, carrying messages of discouragement and defeat. "Give up Becky. Move on. You've done more than anyone could have asked of you. Let go. He's not worth it. You deserve better." And then I hear the only voice that matters and it beckons me to love. And I pick up the phone and say, "hey honey, how's your day going? Have I told you today that I love you?" So, that's where it's at. Still clinging to that mighty Oak, still standing strong in the storm, still believing, hoping, praying and giving thanks for all I have.