Kick Me...Please!
I don't know how the rest of you deal with stress and struggles in your lives, but I tend to 'shutdown'. I've always envied those people who are gifted with nervous energy and seem to be boosted into high gear when stressed. That's not me. I have really noticed over the past couple of months since my husband left, that I am finding it harder and harder to get motivated to do just about anything. I take good care of my son, feed him, play with him, love him with all my heart...and that's about all I can manage! I certainly haven't been taking care of myself like I should be. The weight has creeped up (I'm definitely an emotional eater) and the house, though tidy enough, is really only surface clean. I just don't feel like doing much of anything. The problem with living in this unmotivated state, is that it tends to make a bad situation worse. My self-esteem takes a nose-dive. My energy levels plummet. I start to hermit and hide away. The brain knows...the body knows...the heart won't follow! I usually lie in bed at night and say, "tomorrow I'll be different. I'll get up early, I'll get all the laundry done, I'll put on the makeup and go out!" And then the morning comes, and I can't seem to get out of the flannel pj's! I know that God wants better of me. I know that this does not please Him. I know it doesn't please Him because He knows it hurts me. And so, I decided tonight, to share this struggle with you and promise to make a change. Since there's no way for you to actually look in my closet and see if my laundry is done, you'll just have to trust that I'll tell you the truth if asked. I truly believe that one thing God wants me to learn through all of this, is that I need to get moving, be motivated, finish what I start, lose some weight and be healthy for me and my son, be more than just 'surface clean' and I'm not just talking about my house. As I crawl under my quilt tonight, I will ask the Father to grant me the strength I need to make positive changes in my life. I want to be the woman of God that He so longs for me to be. I recognize I can't be perfect, put I certainly can be better. Much better!
Psa 73:26 ~ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psa 28:7 ~ The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, so I am helped, and my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
posted by The Faith Expedition at 4:44 p.m.
4 Comments:
Becky, first of all, kudos to you for not totally shutting down. The fact that you still get up and take care of your son is a very positive step! It's okay that not all is getting done. Instead of telling yourself that you will get ALL the laundry done, just make the decision to get 'whites' done, or towels, etc. Then, when that one is done, then consider that a success! Your mind is not capable of processing and completing a ton of 'stuff' right now. So, give it time, set very small goals and work toward accomplishing one goal.
The fact that you are desiring to move forward is a praise! I am so proud of you for hanging in there and willing to be obedient to our Lord.
Also, have you ever read anything by Elizabeth George? She has a very good book out about her depression and how God worked her through it, sharing the Bible verses that He gave her. It is called "Loving God with All Your Mind." Check it out and let me know what you think.
Meanwhile, I'll continue to pray for you and your husband. Love you, sweetie!!! {{{{many hugs}}}}
Claire
Becky, I TOTALLY understand. I already shared with you my loss: Being a widow at 25 with a 2 year old. There were many, many days I thought I just couldn't take it anymore. It was all I could do just to feed and dress my daughter. Depression zaps your energy and strength. I got so sick of people saying "snap out of it" or "just pray". I didn't live one day at a time, I lived one hour at a time. I know where you are. So does God. He is so faithful! Believe it or not, He has you in the palm of his hand. I am lifting you up in prayer. If you need to talk or cry, whatever, email me.
Same here, you know I have the same struggles--comment left on your laundry pic. We can motivate one-another. Another problem I have is that I get sucked into this computer and use it as an excuse NOT to do what I need to. I am sure that is not what HE wants. We'll pray for one-another.
Amen, Teresa! The computer is one of my weak areas when it comes to discipline. *Ouch* I think I'm just going to read for a few minutes and before I know it, an hour (or more) has gone by. And that is before I've even commented! *ACK*
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