After The Storm

Last night, a storm raged outside our house. The wind was blowing so hard the house shook. As I lay under my quilt last night, there was a storm raging in my heart and I felt shaken to my core with fear and doubt. I told the Lord that I had given up. I couldn't face this storm any longer. I asked Him to (pardon me here friends) crap or get off the pot so to speak. I told Him I needed to feel hope again. In fact, I needed a miracle or I was going to through in the towel. I was done. I needed Him to be a tangible force in my life. Something I could feel, see, touch and know without a doubt that it was Him. And finally, I fell into a fitful sleep, immersed in fearful, hopeless dreams. And then I woke up. And the sun was pouring into my room. And I had an awesome day. And it did not come in the form of a lightening bolt or a big hand writing the answer on the wall, or surviving a fiery furnace or spending the night with lions in a den and living to tell about it. No, it was just a quiet peace. A knowing that God was still in control. A hope that regardless of the outcome, it will still be okay because it is the outcome that has been ordained for me since before time began. And as I crawl under my quilt tonight, no storm rages outside the house, or inside my heart. There is still pain and wondering. But I am not shaking. And that is a good start.